Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
