So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
