i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
