Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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