She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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