im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
