yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I have aggressive nipples.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
