I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Boobs are out for the taking
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
