Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
