You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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