sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
