I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
