She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
