OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
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No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize