i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
