Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
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I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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