you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
