I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
