I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
