She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
