I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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