Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
where am i from again
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
