I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
