Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
True strength comes from lack of pants
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
