Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
