Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
