You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize