i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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