I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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