You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
