i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
