if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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