Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
