where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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