Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I need to calm my uterus...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
