how do flat chested girls get laid?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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