don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
