No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
