i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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