I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
