My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
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