u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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