i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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