we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
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It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
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This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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