He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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