Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The beer is more important than you right now.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So squirting runs in the family.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
