Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
