She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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