It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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