clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
