They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
