dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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