So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl