I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.