remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.