my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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