I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is wine microwaveable?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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