K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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