Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
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Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
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