I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
