White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
