lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
