Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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