I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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