My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
