Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
