we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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