my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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