I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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