I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
