??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
