They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
