I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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