just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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