shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
