i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Everyone says I win the strip club
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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