So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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